He Has Been Good to Me

Cheers to my first full day of summer break! There aren't many things I love more.

Today, Julie Andrews-style, I'm sharing a few of my favorite things. This is a list I made back in October, during a bus ride through Greece where I was so miserable I had to find something to do to keep myself from crying. That story can come later, maybe. For now I want to rest in my gratitude. Even in my darkest days, I can trust in Jesus' UNFAILING love, rejoice in His salvation. He has been good to me.

"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me" (Psalm 13, NIV, emphasis added).

So here they are, in no particular order. A few of my favorite things...

_______________________________________________________________________

The first day of summer break.      The smell of an old book.      Laughing til your stomach hurts. 

Waking up thinking it’s time to get up and realizing it isn’t.      Sunsets over water.      ENO hammocks. 

Homemade salsa.      Being barefoot in lush grass.      Family around the dinner table. 

Little ones falling asleep on you.      Road trips.      A kiss on the forehead.      Old people holding hands. 

Brick and ivy.      A hot drink after a cold walk.      Nerf gun fights.     Laundry right out of the dryer. 

Homemade spring rolls.      Purchasing a plane ticket.      Unexpected hugs from people you love. 

Giving the perfect gift.      Absolute silence.      Exploring a new city with no agenda.      Lake life. 

Pajama days.      Your dog falling asleep on your feet.      Pumpkin bread.      Camping. 

Reading late at night.      The smell little kids get when they've been playing outside.      Front porch swings. 

Reading classics.      Late night breakfast burrito runs.      Sleepovers.      The cool side of the pillow. 

Rooftops on summer nights.      Sledding on a snow day.      The first egg nog of Christmas season.    

Finding the exact word you’ve been looking for.      Sunlight through trees.      Watching the Olympics. 

Shadow puppets.      Rosemary and Olive Oil Pringles.      Ultimate Frisbee with friends. 

Hearing your favorite song on the radio.      Good hair days.      Italian being spoken.      Tubing. 

Warm blankets and movie nights.      Sidewalk chalk.      Swinging.      Friends that feel like family. 

Climbing trees.      Puppies.      Walking in your front door after a long trip.      Fresh food. 

Black shutters and green doors.      Giant backyards.      Cello music.      Small town friendly waves. 

Life stories.      Rainy afternoons.      Inky hands.      Mysterious keys.      A full tank of gas.     

Kindred spirits.      Rugby on TV.      Doner kebabs.      Roller coasters and water slides.      Jet skis. 

Horseradish/Wasabi competitions.      Your favorite jeans.      Finding money in a random coat pocket. 

Turning a bend and seeing the ocean.      Welcome to Colorful Colorado.      Giant scarves. 

Yogurt, granola and fresh berries.      Italian food in Italy.      Sunday afternoon naps.     Popsicles.

Walking in a crowd of strangers all speaking a language you don’t understand.      Merry-go-rounds. 

Card games.      Holding hands.      Building and playing in forts.      Boys cooking/cleaning up in the kitchen.

Singing at the top of your lungs while driving.      Down comforters.      Sonic Cherry Limeades. 

Watching The Office.      Stones made perfectly smooth by water.      Green Machine Naked juice. 

Tears of joy.      Spotting the first green buds on trees and bushes.      The smell and sound of rain. 

Moonlight.      Hand-written notes.      Reading at a coffee shop.      Chipotle burritos. 

Christmas morning squeals.      Power naps.      The first juicy watermelon of the summer.

Being best friends with your siblings.     Baby name books.      The Beatles.      A full journal. 

Money on a gift card you thought was empty.      Inside jokes.      Pasta carbonara. 

Finding your bed already made after washing the sheets.      Thrift shop “steals.”      White Christmases. 

Burt’s Bees lip balm.      Chai tea.      Wedding invitations.      Extra-thick oatmeal.      Australian accents. 

Papa’s laugh.      Full bookshelves.      Finishing a paint job.      Putting on sweatpants after a long day. 

A familiar face in a crowd of strangers.      Grapefruit juice.      The ocean.      Armchairs that swallow you. 

Using all the ink in a pen.      Flowered window terraces.      Big dogs. 

Dreams Are Serious Business

Hello friends!

I wish I were a more regular blogger.  I apologize for that!

Well, the past two months have been full of adventure! In August my best friend and I went to Australia for two weeks. It was an incredible trip, made even better by the fact that it was something we'd dreamed of doing for 15 years. There's a lot I could say about it, but really there's just one thing that I feel compelled to share...

One day while in Australia, I jokingly told Lexi that, now that we'd accomplished our life dream, we had hit our peak. "Life's all downhill from here, I guess!" I joked. "I mean, what now? We made it to Australia, what else is there to dream about or work towards!" I was kidding, of course, but I really was a little lost as to what it was going to be like not to have this dream to look forward to. The Australia dream had become part of my identity. Something that I had talked about, saved up for, and worked towards almost since I could remember.

Then I suddenly realized how exciting this could be... What if I came up with a new dream? My mind immediately thought of all the other countries I'd love to visit - all the things I'd like to learn or do. But all of my ideas were too "easy." There was nothing risky about them. And although that doesn't make them invalid, I wanted something bigger. Something that was a little more uncomfortable to voice because it seemed too unrealistic.

You know what would be really cool? I remember thinking. To set foot on all seven continents.

Yeah. That's what I want to do. That's my new life dream. "Even Antarctica?" Lexi asked, when I told her. Yup, even Antarctica. It's crazy. It could take a lifetime to achieve. But it's something I want to do, and I don't want to be afraid to dream big.

And as if for confirmation, a few days later Lex and I were sitting in the airport and struck up a conversation with a woman there who told us her (crazy) life story. She had traveled all over the world, and as she told us about her travels, she mentioned Antarctica.

"Wait, you've been to Antarctica?" I asked, excitedly.

"Oh yes, honey!" she told me. "Many times!"

What the...

It turns out this woman's husband had had a disease which only slowed down in cold weather, so the two of them ended up taking several cruises down to Antarctica while he was still alive. She proceeded to tell us all about it, encouraging us to go for ourselves someday.

It was a neat confirmation for me, and leaving that conversation I was excited by the thought that my dream of setting foot on every continent  might not be so far-fetched after all. If this woman could visit Antarctica (probably the most rare and difficult continent to travel to) - multiple times no less - then maybe I can too! Even if it's thirty years from now, at least I know I don't have to become a scientific researcher to do it.

All that to say - I think we all need to make the conscious decision to dream. To find something that excites us - something that, if we could do it (or see it or experience it), would make us come alive - and go after it. It doesn't have to involve travel. It could be learning a new language or instrument. It could be writing a book. It could be starting a business. Honestly, it could be anything.

But whatever it is, make sure you're dreaming BIG. Don't let your dream be tempered by your concept of the "realistic," because if your concept of what's realistic is anything like mine, it's pretty limiting and easily shattered. Your dream may require hard work and a lot of time. It may even take your whole life to achieve. But there are not many moments in life that have been more exciting or empowering than when I accomplished a dream that I'd set my heart on for over a decade.

I'm convinced that when we intentionally, patiently pursue preposterous dreams, life takes on more meaning.

I hope that reading this will encourage you to start dreaming risky things. Don't let the voice of Realistic convince you to settle. Establish a goal and be willing to allow time for it to be realized - the time is going to pass regardless. And in the meantime, dream other dreams. Plan a road trip to a place you've never been. Start a journal. Pick up a new hobby. Read a book you've always been curious about. We have the tendency to become accustomed to the ordinariness of life, but I believe that dreams are a way for us to be intentional about recognizing and entering into the beautiful moments it affords us.

Life is beautiful and dreams are serious business. So be brave, get out there, and live.

Always

     Tonight I went on a walk. And as I walked, I talked with Jesus. Lately this has become my favorite way to  spend time with him - wandering around with no planned destination and no other companions. There's something so rich about these times... I've been sitting here for the past twenty minutes trying to put it into words, but I can't. Nothing seems sufficient. 

     Suffice it to say that I crave these times with the Lord, away from all the distractions that drag me around day after day. I begin my walks talking to Jesus about anything and everything that is on my mind, but inevitably run out of things to say and find myself sitting in silence, just listening.

     And do you know what I hear?

     I've found that I hear it every time I quiet my soul and listen, but for some reason it wasn't until tonight that I realized that it is always echoing, for me and for anyone else who will stop and listen, if only we'd slow down.

     So as I sat on some train tracks and watched the mountain skyline grow dark, I wrote something down to capture this revelation. I almost didn't share it here because it still seems so raw and intimate - something that I wrote in the moment and didn't intend for anyone else - but on my walk home I felt like someone else might need to hear it too. 

     So here it is. I pray that God will speak to you through it. 

________________________________________________________________________

Always.

If you’d just sit and listen,

            you’d hear it.

Sounding more like a heartbeat

            than a voice.

Or, if a voice,

            more like an undying whisper.

If you’d just sit and listen,

            you’d hear it.

It’s a rhythm echoing through eternity,

pulsing through every being,

Billowing through the skies like a wintry breath,

slipping through every cracked and broken heart.

                         It is the heartbeat,

                                  the whisper,

                                 of Immanuel.

So quiet yourself.

Sit still and listen.

With every beat it becomes more substantial,

            more permanent.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

I have always loved you.

To Trust Steadily

I'm still mulling over 1 Corinthians 13:13 and what it means for me to live out this call on my life.

"But for right now, until that completeness,
we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:
Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.
And the best of the three is love."

To trust steadily in God.

For the past several months, I've done most of my Bible-reading out of the Message. And I've loved it. There are times when it's a little goofy... like when I was reading in 1 Samuel and found a passage (16:11) where David's men want to kill a man who has been shouting curses at him and he calms them down by saying, "My own son, my flesh and bone, is right now trying to kill me; compared to that this Benjaminite is small potatoes." That gave me a laugh! So... there are times when the translation is a little too nontraditional, but for the most part I've loved it.

To trust steadily in God.

In most translations, this is simply called "faith." And that's what it means... to trust steadily in God is to have faith. But reading it in the Message version helped me slow down and think about it in a different, more meaningful way.

To trust steadily in God.

As I've been thinking about this today, I've been reminded of last semester's Mill retreat, where I first heard the phrase "We never get to graduate from trust" (See my post on October 30, 2012). The phrase still challenges me, mostly because I so often find myself trying to avoid total trust in God. 

It reminds me of when I was little, and I'd lay on my living room carpet and laugh hysterically as my dad would "step" on my belly as he crossed from one side of the room to the other. I thought I had abs of steel, but of course he was stepping in such a way as to avoid putting any real weight on me. 

It's as if I do the same thing with God. Sure, I'll put a little weight on him... but I don't want to put too much. It seems safer and more comfortable not to. 

But that's not what faith is about. I'm called to "trust steadily in God," not to "trust when there's no risk involved."

The word "steady" has many definitions, including:

1. Firm in position or place; fixed.
2. Direct or unfaltering; sure.
3. Free or almost free from change, variation, or fluctuation; uniform.
4. Unwavering, as in purpose; steadfast.
5. Reliable; dependable.

Fixed. Sure. Uniform. Steadfast. Dependable.

So often I am the opposite - changeable. Wavering. Inconsistent. Disloyal. Unreliable.

And yet God's love and grace towards me is steady, so tonight I'm making the decision - again - to trust steadily in him. I'm never going to graduate from this trust.

But I don't want to.

Peering Through the Mist

Winter. There are elements of it that I love - waking up to see Pikes Peak covered in snow, stepping outside and being able to see my breath, bundling up in cozy sweaters, and finding justification for my coffee/tea drinking obsession because there's no better way to keep my hands warm. 

But winter isn't always all that I dream it up to be. There are days - okay, let's be honest - WEEKS when I feel like a disgruntled grizzly bear who hasn't been allowed to hibernate. 

Which is silly. I live in Colorado, the land of eternal sunshine! I have nothing to complain about. 

But in the winter months, I still find myself craving the sun's heat, the summer breeze, the color green, and late nights swinging on my front porch.

Unfortunately, I often allow myself to feel debilitated by the cold. I let it become an excuse for apathy. It's as if my capacity for passion and enthusiasm is covered over with a layer of frost, and I settle for shallow surface-living.  

It's only on the days that I've chosen to spend time with people I love - laughing, growing, and enjoying life with them - that I've realized what I cheat myself out of when I descend into my hollow, wintry moods.  It makes me think of the quote from Les Miserables that says, "To love another person is to see the face of God." On those days when I convince myself that I just don't feel like being around anyone, I rob myself of the chance to see God injecting himself into my day-to-day life.

I'm reading through 1 Corinthians, and today I was reading chapter 13, the famous chapter on Love (incidentally appropriate, since tomorrow is Valentine's Day!). I was struck, as I always am, by its opening verses.

"If I speak with human eloquence 

and angelic ecstasy but don't love,

I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God's Word with power,

revealing all his mysteries 

and making everything plain as day, 

and if I have faith that says to a mountain, 

'Jump,' and it jumps, but I don't love,

I'm nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor

and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr,

but I don't love I've gotten nowhere.

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, 

I'm bankrupt without love."

I was instantly convicted. I immediately knew that I've been acting lazily towards love. I've temporarily excused myself from loving my family and friends well. 

And it's true - I feel bankrupt without love.

The times I've felt rich and alive - both over the past few months and in my life in general - are when I've engaged in relationship with people, intentionally choosing to love and be loved by them. And it's the times when I've cut myself off from that - choosing instead to isolate myself and have a bad attitude toward others - that I feel robbed of joy, passion and purpose.

As I continued reading, a verse stood out to me in a way it hasn't before. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says,

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist.

But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright!

We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:

Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

I've been feeling that fog lately. Not all the time... but like the wintry weather outside, every so often it settles down and I sense my soul peering through the mist in search of the sun. But in the same way that I know that the warmth and brilliance of summer is on its way, a time is coming when I will come face to face with True Love and everything will be lit up by His shining countenance! 

But until that day I have a call on my life. 

To trust steadily in God.

To hope unswervingly.

To love extravagantly.

And the best of the three is love.

Setting It Right

Happy December 12, 2012, everyone! I've been thinking for a while about what to write in my next blog post, and finally decided to share something that has been on my mind for the past week or so.

Every Tuesday a couple friends and I meet at my favorite coffee shop downtown to spend time in the Word, talk, and laugh together. It's one of the highlights of my week - I practically live for Tuesday afternoons and the joy and refreshment they bring!

Two studies ago, we were reading through Luke 17 and something stood out to me in a new way. With a subject heading titled "When The Son of Man Arrives," Luke 17:20-21 (MSG) says,

"Jesus, grilled by the Pharisees on when 

the kingdom of God would come, answered, 

'The kingdom of God doesn't come by 

counting the days on the calendar. Nor 

when someone says, "Look here!" or, 

"There it is!" And why? Because God's 

kingdom is already among you.'"

Reading this passage made me a little sad. How heartbreaking is it to think that these men were looking (or maybe only pretending to look) for the kingdom of God, and yet could stand in front of the Son of God, even ask him questions, without even recognizing him! They were so busy trying to clear up the fuzzy details about their faith that they missed out on the opportunity to know Jesus on a personal basis!

As I thought about it, however, I realized that we are in danger of doing the same thing today, especially at a time like this when so many people have questions, thoughts and opinions about the "end of the world." Whether they're freaked about the Mayan calendar that only gives us nine more days to live or are disturbed by the state of national and international politics, many people are asking questions similar to those I would imagine were posed by the Pharisees to Jesus.

Where is God?

Why is he letting all of this happen?

When will he come and establish his kingdom?

I can't imagine what if would've been like to be Jesus in this moment...

I'm right here! Standing in front of you!! Not only have I come and entered into this messy world, but I'm here establishing my kingdom right under your noses - preaching the good news to the poor, announcing pardon to prisoners, healing the sick, setting the burdened free, and announcing the year of the Lord (paraphrase of Isaiah 61:1-2)! How can you be asking me all this and not see that I am your long-awaited Messiah?

Instead, he explains the simple, beautiful truth about his kingdom.

"The kingdom of God doesn't come by 

counting the days on the calendar. Nor 

when someone says, 'Look here!' or, 

'There it is!' And why? Because God's 

kingdom is already among you."

He meant this in a literal sense for these Pharisees, but the reality still stands true today. We try to count the days on the calendar or we try to "map out" the end times according to Scripture, but Jesus made it clear that we'll never know all the details about when he will return. And yet he also made it clear that he will never leave us nor forsake us... the kingdom is already among us! 

Over the past week I've been wrestling with this verse a lot. I don't want to miss out on the kingdom here and now in anticipation of the kingdom that is to come. We're only two weeks from Christmas, the day that we celebrate the fact that God came to earth in the flesh. He came, and by his birth, life and death, he set into motion the greatest story of redemption ever told. His kingdom has arrived and is in the process of being made whole and complete here on earth.

Because the kingdom of God has already arrived, I believe it'd be a mistake to live solely in anticipation of it's establishment. I'm a wholehearted believer in living in anticipation of Jesus' return, but I think it looks different than counting days on a calendar, fretting over who's been elected president, or despairing over the darkness we see in the world. 

As Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 (MSG),

"All this comes from the God who settled 

the relationship between us and him, 

and then called us to settle our relationships 

with each other. God put the world square 

with himself through the Messiah, giving the 

world a fresh start by offering forgiveness 

of sins. God has given us the task of telling 

everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's

representatives. God uses us to persuade 

men and women to drop their differences

and enter into God's work of making things

right between them. We're speaking for 

Christ himself now: Become friends with God;

he's already a friend with you. How? you ask.

In Christ. God put the wrong on him who 

never did anything wrong, so we could be put 

right with God."

We have been put right with God so that we might take part in his restorative work. We represent Christ to the world, and usher his kingdom into our world by greater and greater measures. 

We have entered into God's work of making things right.

I imagine Jesus looking at me tonight, begging me not to miss out on this opportunity...

Know me, he urges. Enter into relationship with me. Don't be so caught up in watching for my "coming" kingdom that you overlook the fact that I'm already doing kingdom-work right here, right now - and you could be a part of it! 

My prayer over the past week has been for myself to let the very here-and-now reality of Jesus' kingdom to propel me into deeper relationship with him. To live as a representative of Christ not by effort or obligation but because I'm compelled by his great love. To take part in his kingdom-work of setting things right now in anticipation of the day when he will set all things right, once and for all.

"I saw Heaven and earth new-created. Gone the first Heaven, gone the first earth, gone the sea. I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: 'Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They're his people, he's their God. He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone - all the first order of things gone.' The Enthroned continued, 'Look! I'm making everything new." ~ Revelation 21:1-5

Enough For Today

This past weekend I went on the Mill Fall Retreat, the retreat for the college group at my church. It was an amazing couple of days and I learned a lot and had lots of fun, but there is one thing in particular I want to share this afternoon.

We had a guest speaker named Andrew Arndt (from Bloom Church in Denver) talk to us on Saturday morning about the Lord's Prayer. The entire sermon was extremely thought-provoking, and I encourage anyone who is able to listen to the podcast... you won't regret it. One of my favorite things he said was this simple-yet-profound statement:

We never get to graduate from trust.

Because the idea of trust has been on my mind lately (see my last blog post), this idea struck me in a powerful way. Pastor Arndt wisely pointed out our tendency to expect that we'll get to a point in our lives where we don't have to trust God anymore.

But if we look at the Lord's Prayer, he pointed out, this is unrealistic. Matthew 6:11 says, "Give us this day our daily bread." Jesus didn't instruct us to ask for anything more than what we need for that day.

It's like when God sent manna from heaven to the Israelites in the desert! In Exodus 16, "God said to Moses, “I’m going to rain bread down from the skies for you. The people will go out and gather each day’s ration. I’m going to test them to see if they’ll live according to my Teaching or not.'" When they saw the manna on the ground, they didn't know what it was, "So Moses told them, 'It’s the bread God has given you to eat. And these are God’s instructions: "Gather enough for each person, about two quarts per person; gather enough for everyone in your tent."' The People of Israel went to work and started gathering, some more, some less, but when they measured out what they had gathered, those who gathered more had no extra and those who gathered less weren’t short—each person had gathered as much as was needed. Moses said to them, 'Don’t leave any of it until morning.' But they didn’t listen to Moses. A few of the men kept back some of it until morning. It got wormy and smelled bad."

It's such an accurate picture of the way I find myself "trusting" Jesus. He promised to provide. He has kept that promise every single day of my life. And yet I still don't want to trust him fully. I doubt he'll keep his promise tomorrow, so I try to take control.

Pastor Arndt talked about how we often pray for God to supply our needs out of a desire not to have to depend on him so much. We hope that God will bless us to such a degree that we no longer experience the kinds of pain or discomfort that would compel us to cry out to Him.

Talk about convicting! Jesus instructed us to pray for today's provision, which means that tomorrow's is in his hands. He'll take care of it. It's uncomfortable not knowing exactly how or when he is going to meet my needs, but as a Christ-follower I'm committed to learning to trust him in the midst of the discomfort. He is more than enough for today, even if I'm not always convinced of the truth of that statement.

I don't get to graduate from trust. It is my life's work.

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." ~ Psalm 13:5