To Trust Steadily

I'm still mulling over 1 Corinthians 13:13 and what it means for me to live out this call on my life.

"But for right now, until that completeness,
we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:
Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly.
And the best of the three is love."

To trust steadily in God.

For the past several months, I've done most of my Bible-reading out of the Message. And I've loved it. There are times when it's a little goofy... like when I was reading in 1 Samuel and found a passage (16:11) where David's men want to kill a man who has been shouting curses at him and he calms them down by saying, "My own son, my flesh and bone, is right now trying to kill me; compared to that this Benjaminite is small potatoes." That gave me a laugh! So... there are times when the translation is a little too nontraditional, but for the most part I've loved it.

To trust steadily in God.

In most translations, this is simply called "faith." And that's what it means... to trust steadily in God is to have faith. But reading it in the Message version helped me slow down and think about it in a different, more meaningful way.

To trust steadily in God.

As I've been thinking about this today, I've been reminded of last semester's Mill retreat, where I first heard the phrase "We never get to graduate from trust" (See my post on October 30, 2012). The phrase still challenges me, mostly because I so often find myself trying to avoid total trust in God. 

It reminds me of when I was little, and I'd lay on my living room carpet and laugh hysterically as my dad would "step" on my belly as he crossed from one side of the room to the other. I thought I had abs of steel, but of course he was stepping in such a way as to avoid putting any real weight on me. 

It's as if I do the same thing with God. Sure, I'll put a little weight on him... but I don't want to put too much. It seems safer and more comfortable not to. 

But that's not what faith is about. I'm called to "trust steadily in God," not to "trust when there's no risk involved."

The word "steady" has many definitions, including:

1. Firm in position or place; fixed.
2. Direct or unfaltering; sure.
3. Free or almost free from change, variation, or fluctuation; uniform.
4. Unwavering, as in purpose; steadfast.
5. Reliable; dependable.

Fixed. Sure. Uniform. Steadfast. Dependable.

So often I am the opposite - changeable. Wavering. Inconsistent. Disloyal. Unreliable.

And yet God's love and grace towards me is steady, so tonight I'm making the decision - again - to trust steadily in him. I'm never going to graduate from this trust.

But I don't want to.

Peering Through the Mist

Winter. There are elements of it that I love - waking up to see Pikes Peak covered in snow, stepping outside and being able to see my breath, bundling up in cozy sweaters, and finding justification for my coffee/tea drinking obsession because there's no better way to keep my hands warm. 

But winter isn't always all that I dream it up to be. There are days - okay, let's be honest - WEEKS when I feel like a disgruntled grizzly bear who hasn't been allowed to hibernate. 

Which is silly. I live in Colorado, the land of eternal sunshine! I have nothing to complain about. 

But in the winter months, I still find myself craving the sun's heat, the summer breeze, the color green, and late nights swinging on my front porch.

Unfortunately, I often allow myself to feel debilitated by the cold. I let it become an excuse for apathy. It's as if my capacity for passion and enthusiasm is covered over with a layer of frost, and I settle for shallow surface-living.  

It's only on the days that I've chosen to spend time with people I love - laughing, growing, and enjoying life with them - that I've realized what I cheat myself out of when I descend into my hollow, wintry moods.  It makes me think of the quote from Les Miserables that says, "To love another person is to see the face of God." On those days when I convince myself that I just don't feel like being around anyone, I rob myself of the chance to see God injecting himself into my day-to-day life.

I'm reading through 1 Corinthians, and today I was reading chapter 13, the famous chapter on Love (incidentally appropriate, since tomorrow is Valentine's Day!). I was struck, as I always am, by its opening verses.

"If I speak with human eloquence 

and angelic ecstasy but don't love,

I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

If I speak God's Word with power,

revealing all his mysteries 

and making everything plain as day, 

and if I have faith that says to a mountain, 

'Jump,' and it jumps, but I don't love,

I'm nothing.

If I give everything I own to the poor

and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr,

but I don't love I've gotten nowhere.

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, 

I'm bankrupt without love."

I was instantly convicted. I immediately knew that I've been acting lazily towards love. I've temporarily excused myself from loving my family and friends well. 

And it's true - I feel bankrupt without love.

The times I've felt rich and alive - both over the past few months and in my life in general - are when I've engaged in relationship with people, intentionally choosing to love and be loved by them. And it's the times when I've cut myself off from that - choosing instead to isolate myself and have a bad attitude toward others - that I feel robbed of joy, passion and purpose.

As I continued reading, a verse stood out to me in a way it hasn't before. 1 Corinthians 13:12 says,

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist.

But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright!

We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation:

Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."

I've been feeling that fog lately. Not all the time... but like the wintry weather outside, every so often it settles down and I sense my soul peering through the mist in search of the sun. But in the same way that I know that the warmth and brilliance of summer is on its way, a time is coming when I will come face to face with True Love and everything will be lit up by His shining countenance! 

But until that day I have a call on my life. 

To trust steadily in God.

To hope unswervingly.

To love extravagantly.

And the best of the three is love.