For Freedom, Part Two

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

~Galatians 5:1

I would like to share part of my testimony.

In the fall of 2008 I started my first semester of classes at the local community college. There's really nothing special about this fact except for the fact that I had never gone to a public school before. I'd been home schooled all my life, and was eager to see how I would do in this new setting. Classes began, and within a couple weeks I was happy to discover that they were all manageable, challenging enough to keep me occupied, but not overwhelmingly so.

And then something happened. I can't remember for sure, but I think it was a quick glance over the syllabus. All I know is something latched onto my stomach in that moment.

Something called Fear.

Don't worry about it, I thought. You'll be fine. Just a couple presentations, a midterm and final, and the rest is a piece of cake. No big deal.

I really can't describe it. It sounds so silly. But something about the fact that I didn't know what to expect terrified me. I started to have panic attacks. I felt like I couldn't breathe at times. The weight of it all made it hard for me to sleep. I felt robbed of all joy.

And all the time I was telling myself, This is stupid, Sophie. You need to stop. Why are you so afraid? This is irrational!

I begged God to come and take this fear from me. I would quote verses like 2 Timothy 1:7 that says,

"For God did not give us

a spirit of timidity,

but a spirit of power,

of love, and of self-discipline."

But nothing helped. No matter how much I tried to reason with myself, I couldn't even begin to get the chains to budge. I wondered if I would ever escape.

And then rescue came.

First, I heard the song Storm, by Lifehouse. I put all of the lyrics below, simply because there isn't just a portion of the song that really helped me. I needed all of it.

"How long have I been in this storm?

So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form?

The water's getting harder to tread,

With these waves crashing over my head.

"If I could just see You,

Everything would be alright.

If I could see You,

This darkness would turn to light.

And I will walk on water,

And you will catch me if I fall.

And I will get lost into Your eyes,

And everything will be alright.

"I know You didn't bring me out here to drown,

So why am I ten feet under and upside down?

Barely surviving has become my purpose,

Cause I'm so used to living under the surface.

"If I could just see You,

everything would be alright.

If I could see You,

This darkness would turn to light.

And I will walk on water,

And you will catch me if I fall.

And I will get lost into Your eyes,

And everything will be alright."

I love that. You didn't bring me out here to drown. I found such comfort in those words. I still struggled, but with a new understanding. I was in the middle of a storm. And no storm in history, no matter its magnitude, has lasted indefinitely.

Then I read the story of Elijah. To this day, I remember the exact chapter that brought me out of the greatest storm I had ever weathered in my life - 1 Kings 19.

These next portions are taken from my journal at the time:

"1 Kings 19:2-9. Elijah Flees To Horeb. Jezebel, angry at the death of her prophets of Baal and Asherah, threatens to kill Elijah. Verse 3: 'He was afraid and ran for his life.' The man who one chapter before, called on the name of God and rained fire down on his offering, who caused the people of Israel to see He was turning their hearts back to Him, and who called heavy rain on a land that had been dry for years, is filled with fear and runs for his life! How can this happen?

"We are told in Romans 8:15 that we are no longer slaves to fear, but sons of God. But Elijah runs in fear. When he stops, he sits and prays that he might die! What happened to the mighty man of God who we just saw? A chapter ago, he was taunting the prophets and calling on the name of the Lord in power! Now, he has had enough (v. 4).

"1 Kings 19:9-13. The Lord Appears To Elijah. The Lord asks Elijah what he is doing at Horeb, the mountain of God. Elijah basically explains that he is hiding from Ahab and Jezebel because they're out to kill him. (V. 11) The Lord said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.' Why did God want Elijah to experience this? Notice Elijah still seems to be operating in fear.

"So God tells Him to go out to experience His presence. First comes a great wind, 'but the Lord was not in the wind.' Next came an earthquake, 'but the Lord was not in the earthquake.' After that came a fire, 'but the Lord was not in the fire.' Last came a gentle whisper. Elijah then goes outside to meet with the Lord. Earth, Wind, and Fire, but God speaks in a gentle whisper. He didn't use the loud, seemingly obvious ways to attract Elijah's attention. Instead, in the midst of his fear, God used a whisper. Living with fear or doubting God is not about whether or not He's speaking, it's about whether we're listening. We want God to show up in a loud, stunning way so that we can easily know He's here, but He wants us to need to look for Him."

That's where I got it. As I realized that I was thrashing about in the waves, desperately waiting for a giant encounter with the power of God that would miraculously pull me out of the water and onto dry ground. I wanted an "Earth, Wind, or Fire" kind of experience. Waiting for a gentle whisper was going to be much more difficult. It would require me to be still. To listen. To acknowledge my need. To surrender my fear.

It took patience, but I began to rest in the fact that He was right there whispering words of love and comfort whether or not I heard Him yet. And as I did that, I found peace.

I realized I wasn't alone in the storm.

I discovered freedom.

And since that time I have not experienced a single panic attack. I no longer live in fear. I've even had moments where I've been surprised at myself, and thought, "Wow, that would have really messed with me before!" But by the power of God working in me, I have overcome.

So here's what I'm getting at.

If you're walking in complete freedom, good for you. But if you're like me, you know that there are areas of your heart and life that you're trying to hold on to. They may be crippling you, but they seem too raw and dirty to bring out into the open and deal with.

It was for freedom that Christ has set us free.

You have been set free.

Will you live that way?

It is a choice. If it weren't it wouldn't be stated the way it is. We can be set free and yet never experience freedom. No matter how big or small it seems, Christ isn't disappointed by whatever it is that is holding us captive. He came to our messy world so He could understand. What I believe He is brokenhearted over is our choice to live in bondage when He has already redeemed us.

He set us free.

For freedom.

As for me, I don't want to settle. I've experienced enough of the life He's offered me to know that it's better than the alternative.

I hope you live in that knowledge, too.

"So if the Son sets you free, you are free through and through."

~John 8:36

For Freedom, Part One

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."

~Galatians 5:1

I think one of Satan's favorite lies is to tell us that we aren't really free.

And before you file that away into a little compartment of your mind labeled "True: But Aimed For Others To Hear," please allow me to share with you why I think it's something we all need to realize for ourselves.

I read Galatians 5 a couple months ago, and despite the fact that I'd read it many times before, something about the opening verse jumped out at me.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

Its one of those verses that are quoted so often, I was almost tired of it. And I certainly didn't allow it enough time to mess with me...

Until now.

Up to this moment, I'd thought of it as one of those feel-good verses that almost seem to pop straight from the pages of your upturned Bible onto a plaque over your mantelpiece. But reading it with fresh eyes I thought that maybe, just maybe, Paul was actually writing this for a reason.

Around the same time God began using this verse to challenge me, we sang a new worship song at church on Sunday morning. The song was about freedom, and the worship pastor who had written the song shared some of his heart after we sang. He said,

"People sometimes tease me and ask, 'Why do you write so many songs about freedom?!' And I always tell them, 'I'll stop writing songs about freedom when I see that God's people are free."

Something about what this worship pastor said has stuck with me for months.

It's easy for us to say we walk in freedom, but do we really? I walk in a great deal more freedom than I once did, but do I live free?

Not always.

It was for freedom that Christ has set us free.

It may just be me, but I think Paul is saying something here. And I don't think it's solely directed to those "outside the faith." It's for Christ's bride, too. For us. Why did Paul find it necessary to include this sentence?

If we were honest, we would say it's because although God's church loves to say that Christ has set us free, we often don't live that way. It's not exactly conscious - no one in their right mind would willingly choose captivity - but we often find the familiarity of our prisons safer than the uncertainty of the road we're asked to follow. Remaining in our brokenness is easier than pursuing the One who allows us to be truly free.

Immanuel, God With Us

There are so many thoughts crashing around inside my head, it's hard to quiet them all down enough to get out a coherent message for you tonight. I'm in such a season of learning, I almost feel like I'm being pulled in 20 directions - attempting to understand, capture, and practice a multitude of lessons I feel God is teaching me.

Several times in the past couple months I've found myself wondering how in the world God can expect so much of me. The minute I find myself living out the Gospel in one area of my life, I realize I'm forgetting the others.

God, there just aren't enough hours in a day to accomplish everything you've asked of me, I pray quietly.

Spend focused time in the Word. Be a person of prayer. Fast on a regular basis. Let every act be full of worship. Live in true community. Love the poor, the widowed, the orphaned. Work as if working for the Lord. Lay down your life for the people around you. Develop the fruits of the Spirit. Display hospitality. Put your trust in Him. Examine the motives of your heart. Operate in humility. Surrender ALL.

I could go on with that list. Those were just the first thoughts that come to my mind as I think over what God is stirring up in my heart. Am I doing all, or even most of these well? Absolutely not. I'm struggling to understand how to "juggle" them all. How does one person live all this out and more? Is it possible, or are we as Christians who desire to live the words of Christ simply setting ourselves up for failure?

Even as I write that question, I know the answer in my head. But do I know it in my heart? I know because I trust that Jesus hasn't set us up for failure. I know that He walks with us, carrying our burdens, and enabling us to live like Him because He is in us. I understand that this is why He came, so that we no longer live under the letter of the law, but under grace. It's less about what we are doing and more about who we are becoming.

Yet I am reminded of verses like Revelation 3:15-16, which says

"I know your deeds, that you are

neither cold nor hot.

I wish you were either

one or the other!

So, because you are lukewarm -

neither hot nor cold -

I am about to spit you

out of my mouth."

And I wonder to myself, Am I fooling myself? Will I be one of those in Matthew 25 that say to the Son of Man on Judgement Day, "Lord when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?" Will he look at me and say, "Depart from me..."?

I have yet to decide if this is a healthy concern or not. Part of me thinks I'd rather be aware of it than not, but it also seems like a terrible burden.

Which brings me to this past week and what God has been speaking to me as I listen to... Christmas jingles.

"Oh you better watch out,

you better not cry,

you better not pout,

I'm tellin' you why,

Santa Claus is comin' to town!

He sees you when you're sleepin',

he knows when you're awake.

He knows if you've been

bad or good,

so be good for goodness sake!"

I know it's a familiar tune, but one day this week I heard it and all of a sudden the Holy Spirit whispered something to me.

Jesus isn't anything like Santa.

I know... profound, right? But as I let this truth begin to penetrate my busy, overcrowded mind, I began to realize that my thoughts and actions were being dictated by a conviction that Jesus operates somewhat like that jolly old Saint Nick.

Whether or not I want to admit it, I've been trying to get my name onto Jesus' "Nice List." He can check it twice, or however many times he wishes, but I will not be satisfied as long as I'm counted amongst the "Naughty." Problem is, I can't keep it all straight. There is so much work to be done in me, it's almost frightening. But guess what?

Jesus is nothing like Santa.

He doesn't come only once a year, in fact the prophet Isaiah spoke of Him, saying,

"Watch for this:

A girl who is presently a virgin

will get pregnant.

She'll bear a son and name him

Immanuel (God-With-Us)."

(Isaiah 7:14)

And centuries later, angels announced the arrival of Immanuel, God with us. He's here. To stay. We are no longer removed from Him, hoping to catch a glimpse of Him once a year or once in a lifetime.

This has infinite significance in regards to the questions and frustrations I've been dealing with lately. But maybe it's best to leave it again for Isaiah to explain:

"A green Shoot will sprout from Jesse's stump,

from his roots a budding Branch.

The life-giving Spirit of God will hover over him,

the Spirit that gives direction and builds strength,

the Spirit that instills knowledge and Fear-of-God.

Fear-of-God will be all his joy and delight.

He won't judge by appearances,

won't decide on the basis of hearsay."

(Isaiah 11:1-3)

The passage goes on, but I hope you caught it. I specifically chose the Message translation because I think we hear this so often - especially at this time of year - that we skim over the meaning of the words.

He won't judge by appearances, won't decide on the basis of hearsay.

It's almost as if the prophet Isaiah is saying, "He doesn't simply exist to calculate your naughty-or-niceness, isn't solely fixated on whether you've been bad or good."

You see, even as I try to figure it all out, I'm slowly but surely coming to realize on a deeper level that the baby found in a manger came to extend grace. To offer freedom. From now into eternity!

What a relief it is to know that I'm not just one of Jesus' hurried stops before gliding off to the next rooftop... er, heart. He doesn't look at me as just one more person who can try harder next time, but for this year will have to be satisfied with a lump of coal.

The life-giving Spirit of God will hover over him, the Spirit that gives direction and builds strength, the Spirit that instills knowledge and Fear-of-God.

Because Jesus chose to reside in me, the "life-giving Spirit of God" hovers over me, as well.

Let me repeat.

The life-giving Spirit of God hovers over me.

And you.

What does this mean? It means that we aren't in sole charge of directing ourselves. His Spirit gives direction. What about when I'm too tired? Too weak? Too overwhelmed? Too confused? Oh, wait. It says that His spirit builds my strength.

His spirit builds my strength.

And yours.

It's not just up to me to instill within myself a knowledge and Fear-of-God.

His Spirit can do that, too.

All because of this babe in a manger, wrapped in swaddling clothes.

We are not alone. God is with us.

"The angel said, 'Don't be afraid. I'm here to announce a great and joyful

event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has

just been born in David's town, a Savior who is

Messiah and Master."

~Luke 2:9-11