Inept and Indebted

I've finished with Hosea and am now starting the book of Isaiah. This is my favorite book of the Old Testament, but I haven't read it in a while so I'm looking forward to reading it again with fresh eyes.

And yet, just because I've moved to a new book of the Bible does not mean that God is ready to move away from the message he has been speaking to me in the last few weeks. In fact, he seems to be pounding it into my heart - over and over, deeper and deeper until it just might make a lasting imprint.

And his message is this: that I am unfaithful, but he is faithful. It's not a quality he possesses. It's who he is.

I can't get away from it! So forgive me if this post seems repetitive in any way, but this is what God is speaking to me. And I must share.

Isaiah 1:13 begins with God saying, "Stop bringing meaningless offerings!" I was struck again with how often I do this. I often allow my faith to become more about the traditions I'm used to fulfilling than the God whom I'm following. And although my motives are usually good, my motions become mechanical.

"I hate settling," I wrote in my journal. "And yet I do it, again and again. Agh! Why?!"

Writing this reminded me of something Paul wrote in Romans, so I quickly flipped over to read again what he said.

"I do not understand what I do.

For what I want to do I do not do,

but what I hate I do...

"I know that nothing good lives in me,

that is, in my sinful nature.

For I have the desire to do what is good,

but I cannot carry it out.

For what I do is not the good I want to do;

no, the evil I do not want to do -

this I keep on doing...

"So I find this law at work:

when I want to do good,

evil is right there with me.

For in my inner being I delight in God's law;

but I see another law at work

in the members of my body,

waging war against the law of my mind

and making me a prisoner of the law of sin

at work within my members.

"What a wretched man I am!

Who will rescue me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God -

through Christ Jesus our Lord!"

~Romans 7:15, 18-19, 21-25

More than any time before, I sympathized with Paul today. But like him, I began reading this passage with the attitude of "I do not understand what I do!" and ended with "Thanks be to God!"

You see, God reminded me again of his faithfulness. I am wretched. And yet, I am blessed because I have been rescued by the Faithful One. I can and will strive for him until my dying day, but it is Jesus and him alone that cleanses and redeems me.

"I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove all your impurities," he says in Isaiah 1:25.

I am unfaithful. I'm dirty. I'm undeserving. But he has rescued me from this body of death!

As I responded to him once again in the middle of the Starbucks I was sitting in, I sensed him speaking to me.

"Stay in this place of humility and hunger. I need your heart to be soft in order to better mold it. But remember that I took the burden of guilt from you on the cross with me."

So I am humbled again by my complete ineptness. Being indebted to someone else is uncomfortable for me. It's hard to believe that no matter what I do or who I become, I will always be equally as undeserving of him as I am now. And that in return, he will never fail me, he will never require grace from me.

I'm realizing that I have a lot to learn about submitting to him. Not just the "Your will be done," kind of submission, but the "I am completely and utterly incapable of offering you anything, so I can only say thank you," kind.

Join me in standing in awe before the God of the ages who came down and chose us - sick, dirty, ugly us - because he loved us, knowing we had nothing to give him in return.

"Praise the Lord, all you nations;

extol him, all you peoples.

For great is his love toward us,

and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Praise the Lord."

~ Psalm 117

Faithful to the Unfaithful

I've been reading the book of Hosea lately, and despite the fact that I've known and loved this story for years now, it has been an incredible read. Not only has it been humbling, but it has also encouraged me. For those who don't know the story or simply need a refresher, here is how the book begins.

"When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, 'Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the Lord.' So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son." ~ Hosea 1:2-3

First of all, can you imagine God asking this of you? I just sat there in awe when I read it. I don't know if I would've obeyed this command. I think I would've dismissed it as a ridiculous figment of my imagination as soon as it popped into my head. And in his time and culture, how much crazier must Hosea have felt?

But in every crazy call Gods makes on our lives, there is a purpose. In this instance, God was asking Hosea to love and marry an adulteress to illustrate his relationship with his bride, Israel. The nation of Israel had shown itself to be rebellious and unfaithful since the start of its relationship with God, much like Gomer was in her relationship with Hosea.

In Hosea 4:7 it says that the priests of Israel "exchanged their Glory for something disgraceful." When I read this verse, I was saddened. In these words there is communicated so much loss, and so much deceit. It's sandwiched between a whole list of charges against God's people, yet it seemed to show the true heart of God in all of their disobedience. God's heart breaks at our flippant exchange of glory for disgrace in our lives. It reminded me of Romans 1:25, which says,

"They exchanged the truth of God

for a lie, and worshiped and served

created things rather than the Creator..."

What kinds of lies are we believing that allow us to believe that the disgrace that the Enemy offers us is worth trading God's glory for?

Reading further into Hosea, I realized the problem goes even deeper. In Hosea 4:12, as well as elsewhere in the book, there is a term brought up which stood out to me. There is a "spirit of prostitution" that led Israel astray, and I don't think I'm stretching the truth to say it probably afflicts us today as well.

It's easy for me to look at American culture and say that everyone else is being sold a lie. That all those people "out there" are living under a spirit of prostitution. And yet I have to remember that Hosea and Gomer's story is my story, too. I am unfaithful to the one who chose me as his bride and turned my ashes into beauty.

Reading of Gomer's unfaithfulness to Hosea, and Hosea's unending love for her breaks my heart. Not because it's a great love story. Because it is a living depiction of the great Love story. My God seeks me out, day after day, minute after minute. He never tires of me, even when I choose time and time again to do things my way. So often I let distraction get in the way of my relationship with him. Over and over my attention is grabbed by voices other than this.

And yet his love "is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot wash it away (Song of Songs 8:6-7)."

If I were to name one attribute of God that never ceases to overwhelm me - more than any other - I would without hesitation choose his faithfulness. I'm continually blown away by the realization that he is FAITHFUL. Always. To the end. Without wavering or wandering.

Even though I behave like a prostitute towards him - the thought both disgusts and grieves me to acknowledge - he loves me with a love so fierce, he refuses to let go. Ever. What a revelation. It can't get old for me!

Imagine for a moment the way it would feel to love so wholly - with a love we can't comprehend - and to be pushed aside time and time and time again. Think of those whom you love the most in life, and picture them treating you in this way. When I did this, I instinctively blocked the thought from my consciousness... it hurt too much. The heartbreak I would experience can't be described... devastation isn't a strong enough word.

But God knows that pain. Because of me.

I hope you're getting a picture of the love story we're all a part of. I hope it's breaking your heart like it's breaking mine. I am so undeserving. I fall so short. And yet, even if I wanted to, there is nothing... NOTHING I could do to lose this love.

The promise of his unchanging love and faithfulness is working in me powerfully, and I hope by reading this that it will begin working in you as well. There is a certain security I am recognizing that I possess, and that knowledge is causing my heart to overflow with love and gratitude for the God who will always remain the same.

I pray that you will find joy and peace in this truth. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is faithful even when you are unfaithful.

"How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure,

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure!"

~How Deep The Father's Love For Us, Stuart Townend